How to talk to your child about COVID-19 without making them anxious about it
Have you been worried about telling your child the truth about Covid-19? Or maybe you were telling them some facts but worried about telling them more than you think that they can handle ? These are all valid worries.
I've had many parents ask me whether the constant hand washing, wiping everything, and talking about germs will make their children have OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder). I summarized my answer here in this article.
I want to share something with you. This is something that you may already know . Kids are very resilient . Children can handle the truth as long as it’s told in an age appropriate way. Kids are very flexible and they adjust to different circumstances pretty quickly. Us, adults have a harder time with the truth oftentimes and we have a harder time adjusting to new situations.
You may ask, “Will talking about germs and viruses create anxiety in my child ? Can my child get OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) from this whole situation ?” The answer is yes and no.The greatest factor for a person to develop OCD is genetics. If your child had OCD before this situation, their symptoms will likely escalate. If your child has a predisposition to OCD through genetics, then COVID -19 may trigger it. If there was no predisposition, then it’s unlikely your child will develop OCD
Here are 7 tips of how to talk to your child about COVID-19 without them getting anxious
1. Check with yourself about how you are feeling about Covid-19 and how you are feeling about talking to your child about it.
You may ask why is this even relevant? Kids are sponges when it comes to their parents’ feelings. If they sense that you are anxious about the situation, they will think ‘uh- oh’ if my parent is worried about it, this must be really bad . It’s okay to acknowledge that you are worried about the situation but the important thing is to show your child how you are coping with it. You can try saying something like this:
“ mommy/ daddy is also worried about what will happen . When mommy/daddy is worried she goes on a walk.”
"A lot of people are feeling worried about everything that's happening right now. I am worried about your grandparents getting coronavirus as well. Its okay to worry about them or anyone else you care about. The important thing is that everyone is being safe by keeping social distance"
If you are feeling anxious or need more support with the situation, reach out for the appropriate support and remember to do self-care. The more we take care of ourselves, the better we are able to be there for our children.
2. Acknowledge that your child may feel sad/ angry/ scared.
It’s okay for your child to feel worried , scared , sad, or even angry. We are all feeling uneasy with everything that’s going on . Help your child process these feelings rather than pushing them aside by saying “oh it’s no big deal . You have nothing to worry about .” Instead you can try saying these things:
“I know this may be scary”
“I know it’s hard to understand why we can’t go to the playground or why schools are closed.”
“It’s not fair you can’t play with your friends in person. Its okay to feel angry about this”
“ I wish I would have had a magic wand and make the virus disappear so you can play at recess in school again”
"I am also upset that we can't meet with our friends in person right now. I know seeing your friends through the phone is not the same as playing with them in person. Its okay to feel sad about this,"
3. Check what they already know.
Kids often know much more than we think they do. Before starting to talk about the situation, see what they already know. Kids may have heard a lot of things that may or may not be true. Debunk those myths and share honest facts with your child.
4. Use simple, age-appropriate language and stick to facts .
How much you tell your child depends on their age . For example , your 2 year old will have a very different understanding of the situation than your 10 year old . Answer questions honestly and to the best of your abilities. It’s okay to say that you don’t know an answer to something. Truth is , with Covid -19 even experts don’t know the answer to a lot of things . You can use this opportunity to try to find answers online together. Using visuals to explain the situation helps as well. Here is an example of something you can tell your child/children:
“Do you know how sometimes people get sick? (wait for response). Do you know what causes them to get sick ?( wait for response). What causes people to get sick are little tiny things that are called germs. They are so tiny that we cannot see them. Germs can be found in a lot of places. Do you have any ideas where germs can be found? ( wait for their response to see what they already know). Germs can be found in schools , playgrounds , and on our hands if we touch something that may have germs on it. If we put our hands to our eyes, nose, or mouth the germs may come into our bodies and will make us feel not so great. That is why it is so important to wash our hands. Sometimes we get germs and we don’t get sick and sometimes we do . Right now there are a lot of germs that are causing people to get sick . These germs causes a virus called Coronavirus . Since these germs can ‘fly’ in the air when we talk, cough , or sneeze it’s safer to stay away from people . Sometimes someone may have Coronavirus germs but not feel sick. That’s why it’s important we keep our distance from others for now .”
5. Answer only what they want to know .
Be honest in your responses but don’t share more than they want to know .
6. Limit the amount of social media and news your child is exposed to .
Watching the news nowadays could be scary for anyone . For a child who has a hard time making sense of this new situation, it could be even scarier . Try not to watch the news when your child is around. This is of course easier done with younger children than with teens. With teens, you can try to contract and limit how many times a day they will check the news. You may want to set a specific time in the day where the whole family watches/checks the news.
7. Give them extra love & comfort.
Kids will more likely needs extra love, comfort and attention during this time. They may not tell you this in so many words but they may show it in other ways . For example, little ones may want to have more cuddles and/or throw more tantrums . A child who used to play independently may begin asking you to join in their play more often. Kids who are a bit older may become defiant, start acting out. Notice if your child’s behavior has changed and offer them more comfort if you feel that they need it . Use this opportunity to try to spend more quality time with your child. Check in with your child often to see how they are doing.
—>>> BONUS TIP
How do you know if your child's behaviour is a typical response to the situation around us or if it is the start of a more serious problem, such as OCD?
Anxiety is when a fear that we have starts impacting our daily life. Anxiety may present itself in your child in may ways, such as: having headaches, tummy aches, or a sudden difficulty in falling and staying asleep,
OCD is a type of anxiety and it means your child has obsessions (which are thoughts) together with compulsions (which are behaviours).
OCD likes to play tricks on people. It may put disruptive thoughts into a child's brain, such as "I have to wash my hands for a minute every time I touch anything inside or outside the house or everyone around me will get very sick and die". The OCD will not give your child a break until he/she washes their hands every time they touch something.
OCD may also put thoughts into your child's brain to make your child think they are a bad person if they don't do a certain action.
Another trick OCD plays on people is making them doubt themselves. For example, if your child just washed their hands, OCD may come and tell your child "did you really just wash your hands? Did you use enough soap? Did you do it for at least 20 seconds? etc,". These are just some things for you to watch out for.
If you think your child may be developing anxiety due to COVID-19, you may want to reach out to your pediatrician and/or a mental health professional for more support.
Stay safe and healthy and don’t be afraid to reach out for supports if you need them .
Lina Vishnevsky, MSW, RSW, B.Ed
